Jokes

Dads.. they always know what to say


I took my dado to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was staring at a teenager who was sitting next to him..
The teen had spiked hair dyed in all different colours - like the rainbow. My dad kept watching her.
The teen realized what he was doing and when she caught him several times, sarcastically asked:
-"What's the matter oldie? Have you ever done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I wouldn't choke on his response..
-Once, I got stoned and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my daughter!"

And the second and last one, I really liked it.


Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid  collision.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to north to avoid collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
Canadians: No, I say again divert your course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the US Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, divert your course, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. You call.



Culture stereotypes..

An international school teacher throws a question:
-What is your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
The African boy asks:
- What is food?
The European girl asks:
- What does 'scarcity' stands for, teacher?
The American student surprised asks:
- What the hell are 'other countries'?
The Chinese girl asks:
- Sorry teacher, what is 'my own opinion'?